[Vol. 56] You Never Know Who's Paying Attention
And that's on visibility.
Happy Tuesday! Welcome back to That’s Gay :)
I saw some news on LGBTQ+ Nation that really warmed my heart today, so I thought I’d share it here.
A mom in Paris, Arkansas flew a Pride flag by her home in June after her 30-year-old son gifted it to her. Unbeknownst to her, an anonymous LGBTQ+ kid slipped a handwritten letter into her mailbox, expressing their gratitude that there was “at least one ally in this little town”.
The woman’s son has since posted a picture of the anonymous letter on Twitter, where the Tweet blew up. Read the whole article on LGBTQ+ Nation here.
The handwriting, the message, everything about this story is a tear-jerker.
This is why we say “visibility matters”.
And whenever I say that, I think about Ellen Degeneres’ words to Oprah during her post-coming out interview. Why did she have to come out at all, Oprah asked her. “Because it’s ok. Because it is ok,” Ellen answered, assertively.
I know I’ve gone over that exchange at least a couple of times already by now, but it’s just so damn on point.
People don’t celebrate Pride, put their pronouns in their social media bios, or raise rainbow flags for their health.
In fact, sometimes it isn’t even in their immediate health and safety’s best interest.
We don’t even do these things to challenge homophobes, transphobes and bigots – sure, it’s a pleasant side-effect, but it’s hardly the point. LGBTQ+ people and allies of all people know well enough that a single rainbow flag or mention of our pronouns is hardly enough to change an ignorant mind. Those are longer conversations.
So no, we’re not doing these things just to do them, and we’re not doing them to rile up our less-accepting neighbors (although it is a lot of fun).
We raise the rainbow flag to signal to the people around us that there is an ally here –
that LGBTQ+ folks are safe and welcome here; that bigotry has no home here.
At least, that’s what I think lays at the core of visibility.
I know at times it can feel like that single rainbow flag or that awkward effort of being a cisgender ally and putting your pronouns in your social media bio can feel like they’re not worth your time, and to a pessimist they may not be. Regardless, the fact remains that this Arkansas mom’s decision to raise a rainbow flag by her home in her small town moved a young LGBTQ+ kid enough to write a note of gratitude to her.
And think about it: For every kid that goes out of their way to write, there’s probably 3, 4, 5x more that don’t, but appreciate the gesture nonetheless.
Back in the day, I don’t think I would ever have written a note and left it in someone’s mailbox like this kid did, but I damn well would’ve been impacted by the show of Pride regardless.
That’s why visibility matters – you never know who’s paying attention.
Have a great day, friends.
Find me on Instagram: @till_kaeslin
Check out the newsletter’s home on Instagram to see this post there, and more like it: @thatsgaynewsletter
See you in Volume 56, folks!
Don’t want to miss Volume 57? Not signed up yet?
Share this newsletter and help my baby grow!