[Vol. 48] What's an "Ex-Gay"?
Going back into the closet ... willingly?
Hello and happy Tuesday folks, welcome back to That’s Gay :)
Today we’re going to talk about Ex-Gays.
Yup, you heard that right. Gays who are no longer gays – gays who have renounced their gayness, hung it up in the closet, and shut the door on their big fat queer life for a new, much straighter page.
Now I know what you might be thinking – is that even possible? Isn’t queerness something you’re born with? What happened to “it’s not a choice”??
Don’t worry, I was exactly where you are now when I first came across this recent headline from LGBTQ+ Nation: “Ex-gays” held a “freedom march” in Washington DC.
But then I educated myself (AKA saw the light).
Turns out there’s a whole group of Ex-Gay’s (alternatively “formers” or “OnceGays”, if you will – which I will admit makes them sound kind of badass) and they’re putting on sparsely attended rallies in our nation’s capital. Mamma mia.
As it turns out, the rally’s whole purpose was to lobby against the passage of the Equality Act (a bill that would legally cement LGBTQ+ equality in the U.S.) and other pro-LGBTQ+ legislation in Congress.
Again, Mamma fucking mia.
One of of the pro-LGBTQ+ legislation efforts on the table that they’re particularly peeved about is the push to ban conversion therapy – the psuedo-science practice of “ridding” LGBTQ+ individuals of their queerness – which I am honestly flabergasted to say is not illegal under federal law in the good ol’ US of A (and I’m not flabergasted easily).
*Check out this map of conversion therapy bans (or the lack thereof, for the most part) in the States – it’s pretty sobering.
So what makes the OnceGays so peeved about a potential federal sayonara to the extremely harmful and backwards practice of conversion therapy?
Well, duh, they’ve been “converted” and they want to share that trauma with the world 🌈 🤗
Here’s a chuckle-inducing photoshop of the OnceGay squad from Washington D.C. on ze Twitter (courtesy of @BettyBowers - doing the lord’s work Betty).
The OnceGay squad is associated with the Christian organization Church United, which, according to the “vision” page on their website, has made it their mission to “respond to the spiritual problems threatening our communities”.
As an avid language learner myself, I’m always so fascinated by differences in dialects. See, where I come from we would pronounce “spiritual problems” as “sexuality”, “gender identity” or possibly even “the freedom to be who you are”. Truly an amazing dialectical variation.
While they are tied to the Church, the group itself is called CHANGED – very abrasive in all caps, but honestly I think the marketing team got the vibe right.
CHANGED’s slogan?
Again, not a lower case in sight – starting to think they’ve got their pinky on the capslock.
“CHANGED is possible!” Their website reads. “We are a community of friends who once identified as LGBTQ+. Today, we celebrate the love of Jesus and His freedom in our lives.
What’s weird is that a bunch of the text on the website actually reads like a pro-LGBTQ+ page – “Today, many face this daunting question alone. Sometimes answers seem beyond reach—you are not alone.” or “On our website you’ll read the vulnerable, authentic and sometimes raw accounts of the hope and prosperity all of our journeys offered as we questioned our sexuality and gender identity.”
It would all be super comforting if it weren’t suddenly followed up with the big, bold statement, “[We] have chosen identity in Christ above that of LGBTQ+. We are CHANGED. And we’re growing in number every day.”
Goddamn, a shiver just ran down my spine reading that.
The sad (but unsurprising) reality of being Ex-Gay.
All sarcasm aside, I got really sad scrolling through the website. Not for myself – I’ve developed a thick skin when it comes to the dark side of the LGBTQ+ internet – but for the smiling faces in the photos plastered across their webpage.
I honestly can’t imagine what they’ve been through (and are still going through) to suppress their true identities. My time in the closet was bad enough – it’s not a place I would revisit eagerly – and I wasn’t ever told I couldn’t or shouldn’t be queer.
So what happens to these OnceGay converts? Well, scientifically and psychologically speaking, the options are bleak. They can either come out, live and love in hiding, embrace celibacy and denounce romance, or most likely … break down.
In 2019, two of the Ex-Gays biggest proponents reached their own breaking points.
David Matheson, a conversion therapy stan, came out because, he wrote, “I had stopped growing and was starting to die.”
McKrae Game, former leader of one of the nation’s largest conversion therapy ministries, Hope for Wholeness, came out after calling the practice “false advertising”. We could’ve told you that much, Game (but we’re glad you’re on our side now).
The seeds sown during the process of conversion therapy seem to plant their roots deep though. While Game apologized for what he’d done to fuel the toxic movement, Matheson refused to renounce the practice. So, just to set the record straight, conversion therapy made Matheson feel like he was dying, but according to him, it might still be for you!
Kind of a shit message. So let’s send a message of our own.
CHANGED has a “get in touch” page 😈
Now, hate does not trump hate – we should all know this by now – so I do not condone sending hate mail of any kind their way. But that doesn’t mean we can’t send a message.
Here’s mine (which I also tweeted at them, just for good measure 😉 ).
Copy and paste or write your own, if you’re so inclined. No it won’t do much, but in the face of all this craziness, it feels good to push back a little.
I’m going to be posting more information and things we can do to take action against conversion therapy on the newsletter’s Instagram @thatsgaynewsletter.
See ya over there, friends ;) Until next time ❤️ Stay queer or stay an ally; remember you are exactly who you’re supposed to be. If there is a god, they couldn’t give less of a damn who you love or who you identify as – they’ve got bigger fish to fry, come on now.
P.S. No headlines today, since this entire thing was kind of a headline of its own. Might be the new format for the newsletter – we’ll see!
Find me on Instagram: @till_kaeslin
Check out the newsletter’s home on Instagram: @thatsgaynewsletter
And that was That’s Gay, Volume 48.
See you in Volume 49, folks!
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